actually, I'm a sock model
he shaved USA in his pubs
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
