just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
