Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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