Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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