My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
