Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
