drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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