I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
