someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
