I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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