Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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