My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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