So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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