Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
