I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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