I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
