reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
