I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
