you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
