Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
