Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
