I'm laying in your front yard are you home
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
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