I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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