So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
