There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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