Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
