The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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