i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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