dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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