the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
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