Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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