i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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