yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Randomize
