So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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