I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
