How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
