hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
NoShamevember. You game?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
