Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
