Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
