I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I have post one night stand depression
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