just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
