the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
