I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm always down for nudity.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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