My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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