so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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