my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
