I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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