shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
