I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
