Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
