I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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