So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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