I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
