Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
