I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
