Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
