And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
