i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
