What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
